rules to live by

when wearing a dress, a backpack can cause the dress to ride up and show the world your business.  mooning newark is generally frowned upon so always hold onto the hem of your dress to avoid any mishaps.

specials thanks to the scary man on mulberry street for pointing out the dangers of the backpack/dress combination.  

the way it was

the new york times posted a very cool photographic history of the subway here.  the subway seems so much more romantic in black and white.

To Whom It May Concern

My sinuses hurt today.   

I believe this necklace is just what I need for a speedy recovery.

Yours til Niagara Falls,

Jamie

http://shop.bingbangnyc.com/collections/necklaces/products/anchor-drop-necklace#

Pups, Pups Everywhere

Please take me home

As much as I gaze longingly at the cute pups that strut around my neighborhood, I know deep down that my life is not conducive to owning a dog.   On more than more occasion I have considered buying a fish or a hamster or even a cat, but then I realized I couldn't get past how much fish gross me out and that hamsters and cats kinda smell.  So I always come back to yearning for a dog.

As an experiment years ago, I bought a gigapet to test my ability to care for something other than myself.   Sadly, the gigapet died within two days when I left it in a drawer and forgot to feed it.  I even managed to kill a bamboo plant by just being near it.  So I am left with fleeting encounters with pugs and bulldogs on the street.

But now, it's like I can have the best of all worlds.   Some genius had the idea to market a pet that I don't need to feed or water.  I predict one person will purchase this and it will be me.

http://www.chroniclebooks.com/index/main,book-info/store,gifts/products_id,8953/title,Port-a-Pug/ 

Shot in the Dark

Dear Mr. Colicchio,

Your new restaurant is quite lovely.   I greatly enjoyed the fried chicken (maybe a bit too much) and your fried provolone was divine.  Introducing horseradish into a deviled egg tickled my fancy as well.   While I certainly appreciate the views of the East River, if you could please just move Riverpark a titch west, say 3 to 5 avenues, that would be peachy.

Sincerely yours,
A Lazy Westsider

P.S.  If the Sauvignon Blanc is the best white wine by the glass, try to avoid running out.

P.P.S.  Offering Reisling in its place is probably a no-no.

P.P.P.S.  Stay bald.  It suits you.

three months

seth just informed me that i haven't posted in three months.  during these three months, i have visited two foreign countries, tried countless new restaurants, coped with a new co-worker, endured 1000 degree heat and very cold rain and started teaching.  how on earth did i let this much time go by?   the incident yesterday with my sandwich alone merits a blog post.   as was my introduction into the world of payday candy bars, which are, incidentally, delicious.

I AM BACK!

just your typical wednesday morning

400am:    Awoken by crippling cramp in leg.   Shout so loudly Seth falls out of bed, reminiscent of Cher in Clueless when she tries to seduce Christian.

730am:    Alarm goes off.   Reach to snooze and realize have been snoozing for 45 minutes and am now late.  Jump up so quickly my leg cramps again.  Hobble to shower.

755am:    Miraculously ready on time.  Realize its raining and leg still hurts. Wear sneakers to commute, ala Working Girl.   Anna Wintour weeps somewhere in the West Village and does not know why.

805am:    On train to work.  Relax in cool, quiet seat. Congratulate self on getting ready in 12 minutes.  Realize my outfit looks like I got ready in 12 minutes.  Curse silently.

807am:    Overhear man speaking on phone saying “Like the Terminator, I will be back.”   Over and over.  Realize man is not on phone but is speaking to commuters.   Man’s voice gets louder and louder until he is screaming about persecution, Jesus and various other philosophies.  Listen to Britney to drown out screaming man.  Fail.

825am:    Walk to work in rain.   Wonder if sick day is appropriate.