400am: Awoken by crippling cramp in leg. Shout so loudly Seth falls out of bed, reminiscent of Cher in Clueless when she tries to seduce Christian.
730am: Alarm goes off. Reach to snooze and realize have been snoozing for 45 minutes and am now late. Jump up so quickly my leg cramps again. Hobble to shower.
755am: Miraculously ready on time. Realize its raining and leg still hurts. Wear sneakers to commute, ala Working Girl. Anna Wintour weeps somewhere in the West Village and does not know why.
805am: On train to work. Relax in cool, quiet seat. Congratulate self on getting ready in 12 minutes. Realize my outfit looks like I got ready in 12 minutes. Curse silently.
807am: Overhear man speaking on phone saying “Like the Terminator, I will be back.” Over and over. Realize man is not on phone but is speaking to commuters. Man’s voice gets louder and louder until he is screaming about persecution, Jesus and various other philosophies. Listen to Britney to drown out screaming man. Fail.
825am: Walk to work in rain. Wonder if sick day is appropriate.
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